Our Parents' Loyalty vs. Today's Loyalty

Loyalty has changed since our parents have been in the workforce.   For many of our parents, they have worked for the same company that they started working for when they graduated high school and college.   They do not understand that many people in today's working world change jobs an average of three to five times in their careers.   They have the mindset of being a lawyer, butcher, salesperson, or administrative assistant until they reach sixty five and nothing else.  

My father was fresh out of engineering school in the early 1960's and he got in the right job at the right time with the evolving technology and good economic times.   He moved up the ladder and had a good career there.   To the lucky, this happens, but to everyone else, we struggle to make it up the ladder.   He worked from 1962 until 2000 at the same job.   He believed in the company and the company believed in him.   He never felt let down by the company, even when a boss from Hell for a few years entered the scene.   He stayed, because he owed everything to the company, even turning down a good job with better money.   Imagine him balking at me when I wanted to hang up the apron strings and DO something I loved!  

Excited I had a testing session with a prestigious financial firm, he said, "Well, that place lays off a lot of people, better stick with what you know."   Any time I had a new lead, there was always the, "Well, it's hard work and very stressful, better stick with what you know."   Or, the company has invested in you, you need to stay.  

I don't think many people who have been in this profession really KNOW what it is all about.   It's demanding. It's physically, mentally, and emotionally demanding some days.   Some days are great, but then some days really suck.  Some days you make more than your dream job position EVER makes, and some days you make less than the guy who works at McDonald's.   It's not consistent, and when wanting to send a child to college, I wanted a bit more than wondering how much money I'll bring in and worrying about it because it's cyclical in the Restaurant Business, the Holidays are amazing and then in January it's a dribble of income.   It's tough.  


I remember my dad acting like I was spitting in my organization's face to find greener pastures, and yes my organization has been good to me in so many ways, and I still have respect for them, but sometimes a person has to do what a person has to do to survive and thrive in today's world and you can always have a respect for a company you have worked for, but you don't need to be a martyr to them.   

A Little Background...

I don't think I was every truly happy being a waitress, I accepted it at most.   However, it was a good job when I worked Monday through Friday in the morning and had a "quality of life".  I got to see my daughter grow up.  Sure, there was a lack of money, but time with my daughter was priceless.    When I was in my twenties and before my daughter was born, I didn't love the job itself, but I loved the money and I had an amazing boss.   I always had money.   Plus, there was always time to look for a job or so I thought.   I had a degree and some place HAD to hire me because of that golden ticket, because it was engrained in our heads in the late eighties and early 1990's that a degree is the world.   WRONG!   The economy and the fact that I remained a waitress for far too long has really hurt me, because many of my competitiors have been clerks, administrative assistants, or in the field a lot longer than I have, and of course they have precedence over me.


My first venture was applying for a county job after Graduation.   It was the first job application I filled out after Graduation, and according to my husband to be I filled it out wrong.  He told me on the way to the car.     I was sure they would remember me as that girl who filled out the application wrong and didn't apply again until 2004.   In 2004, I applied to the Library, thinking that would be an easy job.  However,  I got a rejection letter that made me feel like maybe waitressing was the only career for me.   I also applied for a county job, one that was WAY above my skills set, but I had that degree.   I never heard back, but I knew that my one mistake was that instead of handing out my resume after graduation, I didn't think I was good enough, so I handed out meal checks instead of resumes and years later, instead of closing that big deal, I presuaded people to have salad bars with their meals.   I was okay with it for a long time.   After all, I was a mother first and the amazing boss were two reasons I stayed.   However, things changed in 2005, when the politics at work got to be a bit too much and I decided I wanted to do more with my life than wait tables.   So, halfheartedly, I applied to a financial firm, a few secretary positions, and an art supply store.   I got a few letters from the  secretary positions, one made me feel like a felon just for APPLYING to them, like a company who said my skills were "limited" while the other one made me feel like a kindergartner for wanting to work there.   "We really liked reading about your credentials, but you're just not cut out to be a secretary", was what it said, in short.   I tested for the financial firm, but waiting tables dulled my capacity for anything challenging and I messed up a major part of the test.  I left wanting to cry.

So, I stayed a server, because I felt that there wasn't a place for me except for standing in front of a table, smiling, sealing that deal with a salad bar and a smile!   I wanted more.   I just didn't know what I wanted.   Well, that changed in 2007, a customer who I waited on a lot had an exciting career in Public Safety that intrigued me.    That sounded so much more interesting than what I was doing, which was now six nights a week until about nine or ten, or later, for little more than what my bills would cover.   I never got to see my daughter, which hurt so much.   I missed ages eight to ten because of that.  Sure, I worked six nights a week as a twentysomething, but they CHANGED from week to week!   Sometimes I got a surprise and got a Friday night off, or an early Saturday night.  A few times I even had a SUNDAY off!   Now, it was EVERY Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night CLOSING!   It was coming in at two on Monday afternoons after being EXHAUSTED from the weekend and having to perform.   Sometimes Mondays got busy and I was exhausted, then I had to come and do it all over on Tuesday.   By Wednesday I was DRAGGING and waiting for my day off, in which I was so EXHAUSTED I didn't want to do a thing.  Then it was back on Friday, ready to serve!   I wanted more.   Plus, the environment had completely changed.   In my twenties, I had an amazing GM who ran the place, who didn't let what people had to say sway him.   In fact, he'd tell them to shut up, mind their own business, and do THEIR Job.


I keep another blog, and on January 16th 2008, I made the first utterance, "I want to change careers.  This isn't what I want any more.  I am tired of being tired.   I am tired of feeling like a zombie with no days off, and when I have a day off I am so tired to do anything.  This isn't what I signed on for."   Then, a few months later, I had a blog reader ask, "I hope you take this the right way, but why does someone with a degree wait tables?"  And, she hit a nerve.   She was RIGHT in every way, shape, or form.  Of course I said the economy was bad, but this was 2008 and not like it was now, but she hit a nerve.  I had no excuse.    Why WAS I waiting tables?   I didn't love it, it was a JOB, it was money, and was my family benefitting from the money I was making?   On my one day off a week, we usually fought because I was so tired from working and I didn't want to do anything because I was so tired.   So, I muddled through a few more months...

  I hung in there, waiting for something better.   One day, I saw that there was an opening for an the same job in our area.   I had a month to fill out the application.  I went downtown one day to take my husband to an appointment, and I had ALL the intent in the world of filling out the application, but I told myself, "why do it, they'll just say 'no'."   So, I went back to work and realize it was not what I wanted as I was busy late one night and didn't get home until two hours after closing so the next day I went and filled out that application.   I smiled politely and handed it in, thinking I'll get a "while your skills were certainly impressive..."  letter.  When I told a family member about what I just did, and my daughter said it, too, I was met with, "This is a hard job.   I don't think you can do it."   Then and there, I began to doubt myself.


My husband had a big eBay purchase, as he is a huge hockey fan.   The mailman came to our door and left the day's mail.   I signed for his hockey stick, and a letter fell to the floor.   I didn't care, because it was probably a bill, a lawn company promotion, and something else of that nature.   Later that day, something said to pick that letter up, and it said, "Your application is under consideration..."   To me, that meant the world.   I was shocked, because after college, this was the ONLY opportunity I got.   My family was happy, but cautious about it.   Instead of a "You'll do GREAT", I got a "you know you are going up against A LOT of people in that field!"   So, then the message played in my head the whole time I tested, "Am I sitting next to a person in that field?  Oh, what am I doing here?"   Because I was told I wouldn't do well, I let that voice tell me that during the test, and I failed the test.   Believe me, I was crushed when I got the letter, but I knew it was coming, and was excited to get the opportunity to test in a few months.   I got a little further in the process this time.  I even got an interview, but I knew it was over when one of my interviewees mentioned my typing.   It was shoddy, because dispatchers have to type fast and I made the bare minimum.   It hurt.   I was crushed, because I was sure I would get the job and leave waitressing behind! Sadly, I had to come in with my tail dragging between my legs BIG TIME!  I kept telling myself, "I won't be a waitress this time next year!"  Oh, that really hurt.   However, it was a learning lesson.


However, during the hiring process for the second dispatch round, a family member hired me to be his clerk at his small, municipal government job.   He saw that I was trying and was serious about getting out and thought he would be able to help me get experience.   It was actually FUN to come in to work and do something that I LOVED.  I have always loved clerical work, and to get that opportunity was great and helped out a lot, but it didn't pay off as soon as I had liked.   Like a well meaning friend said, "It will take you about six months for employers to be interested in you.  You are a new clerk."  She was right.   I had to prove myself.  I had a few more audits and tasks to learn.


After for the no from the job I really wanted, I was crushed.   However, I learned how to correctly type, because I wanted to prove to them that I COULD type, so with the help of TypingPal and the BBC for Kids, I learned to type.    I felt like no other place would take a chance on me, but I sat perched in front of the old iMac G3 and looked for longs.   I applied to lots of places with either nothing or the "while your skils were certainly impressive, we went ahead with a more qualified candidate.   Good Luck with your job search."  Yeah, what LUCK!  In getting NO's?  Sometimes I was okay with it, but sometimes I shed some tears because that was really what I wanted to do rather than wipe off a messy table with food ground into the floor.   Work was terrible, the GM didn't seem to like me.   I was even sat down and told the only reason I was there was because I could close on the weekends, but my skills were horrible, some customers didn't like me, and so on and so forth.   He said he was doing this "for my own good", and by being in an abusive relationship in the past, I knew the sign.  I wondered where my worth was.


When I applied for job the THIRD time, I even got a "YOU FAILED TWO OTHER TIMES!  WHY ARE YOU DOING IT AGAIN?"  A family member asked one of my interviewees, who said I ranked high, but someone with more skills was hired over me and that it wouldn't be a waste of time to try again.   So, I did.   This time it was different though.   I was eerily calm about it.  Before, I was so nervous and I wanted this and I wanted that to go this way.   I was even surprised that I got asked to test again, as I had done so poorly the three times, and this time, I KNEW I was going to do my best.   I was focused and ready.   I passed the test and typing test with flying colors.   At the interview, I was told to please try again if I didn't make the list, so I was kind of apprehensive, but imagine my SHOCK when I found out I made the list and FIRST on the list.   For a few months, I was flying high, but then because they merged with another agency, the list went goodbye, which crushed me a little, because I was so sure that the restaurant biz was going to be a distant memory.   I had to look for another job.


I looked, and it was slow and painful.  In fact, I got a lot of "No's" or "air".   I tried to be happy waitiressing, but the same routine, the same days, and nothing to look forward to but sore joints, bruised ego, and a greasy uniform.   There had to be a better way.   My friend, a fellow server, went to a temp agency and got a real job in TWO WEEKS!  Believe me, I was crushed.  I had been trying so hard for TWO years to find something, almost had something, but then she tries only a few weeks and GETS a job.  Maybe it was because she was pretty or had a better outlook.    It was probably the outlook.   She had a lot more support than I had.   I knew something had to be done, so I went to our local workforce center and signed up for classes.   I kind of balked at my first class "I've Got Skills".  "Yeah, at serving breadsticks!" I said to myself and being totally off the mark.   However, the class was eye opening and that EVERYONE has skills and everyone has skills that can transfer to other job, and I also realized that I was not alone in the fight to find a better job.


I took classes from September to February, and what I learned with priceless.   ESPECIALLY, the resume writing class.   It was a real eye opener, and it started me getting me interviews almost immediately after I revised a few things.  Sadly, they didn't get me jobs, but what I learned there was priceless.   The instructors who taught the classes had been where I was.  Before the classes, I was on monster.com applying to anything and everything with the same resume.   Even though I was getting interviews, I was not getting jobs, so I decided to take another step and volunteer.   I was told by a member in the community that being a volunteer can help you gain skills to get a job and help out the community in the process.  Sometimes it even lands you a job.   In my case, it did.   I was still going on interviews, getting the proverbial "No" and some letters saying, "While we didn't hire you, there's nothing wrong with you."  Um, okay.   Then why wasn't I hired?  So, one day, they hired me.    Lots of employers didn't want to take a chance on me because my waitressing career, which is sixteen years, overshadowed my clerking career, which is almost three.   It's because they have people to pick from with a lot more experience than I do, and that is a fact, not because I am a waitress, I just lack in experience.   For a month or so, I got to prove myself and my worth as a clerk there.   I felt worthwhile while I worked there.   I was making a difference.   Sadly, the job ended when grants were pulled, and believe me I was crushed.   I was back to clerking very part time and waiting tables, and looking for jobs.  And, it's been a long summer doing that.   My "Jobs Applied To" Folder is full of places I've applied to.   I've gotten a few interviews, a lot of no's, but I have to keep on.  I have to smile and serve when I would rather be doing something else, hoping and praying that some day it WILL happen.   I just hope it's not when I am old and walking with a walker!


So now, I try to smile through my tears.   Sometimes waitressing seems permanent, and there's no end to it, especially on a Saturday night and I am by myself, juggling eight tables, wanting to bawl my eyes out because I wonder if this is what I am going to do until I die.    It seems more permanent when we're slow and the clock crawls, or when I am so ready to leave a table comes in at ten until close, and I have to smile.    I don't like it, but it's a job.   It's how I pay my bills for now.   It's temporary, more temporary than I would EVER like it to be.   I'd rather be in an office helping out the community, than waiting on tables, but sadly that ultimate choice isn't up to me because sometimes my best isn't as good as someone else's...


So, this is blog is about the trials, and triumphs in the job search, some joys of my current job because it's not all gloom and doom.   It's just time for me to personally move on and find out what I was meant to do, and this records my journey.   Maybe I can use this blog to help someone who is in my shoes and someome else may have some advice for me.